It happened. Fiorentina won a Serie A game and it only took 16 tries. With that success fresh in their minds, the Viola will try to repeat that performance at 17th-place Parma, which has shown signs of life recently under disgustingly young manager Carlos Cuesta, who’s all of 30 years old. The Viola won’t haul […]
30 days ago | 1 read
‘Twas the night before Christmas, And all through the house Not a creature was stirring Except you, you great louse. Due to procrastination, You haven’t gone shopping. Severe repercussions Include beating and chopping. I’m done with the poem part now because I refuse to have a tab open for a rhyming dictionary, but you get […]
about 1 month ago | 2 reads
Amir Richardson told L’Équipe today that he’s ready to leave Fiorentina and would welcome a return to Nice. It’s a shame, as Paolo Vanoli’d brought him back into the fold after Stefano Pioli froze him out, and the Slender Man showed flashes of last spring’s sterling form in his first start of the season last […]
about 1 month ago | 1 read
There’s nothing like a themed XI to break up the monotony of Fiorentina idiocy, so that’s what I’ve got for you here. It was a comment from matthew that got me thinking about the topic, mostly because a train of thought this cursed hadn’t pulled up to my mental station in a little while. m.atthew […]
about 1 month ago | 4 reads
After more than a month, Paolo Vanoli finally ditched the 3-5-2 he inherited from Stefano Pioli and wonder of wonders, Fiorentina responded with a 5-1 win over Udinese. That result probably had more to do with Maduka Okoye’s early red card than anything else but we, as fans, love nothing more than mixing up causation […]
about 1 month ago | 1 read
Pre-match There were no major selection surprises in either camp. Cher Ndour got the nod for Fiorentina, while Nicolò Zaniolo ominously made his return to the Artemio Franchi. The big news ahead of kickoff was Paolo Vanoli handing the armband to David de Gea despite Luca Ranieri starting; the captaincy is often more important for […]
about 1 month ago | 1 read
Late news Paolo Vanoli closes his eyes, throws his darts, and lands on Cher Ndour to start in the middle. Udinese boss Kosta Runjaić naturally picks Nicolò Zaniolo, who will doubtless score against his former club and then piss right on the center circle. If he does so in the first 20 minutes, though, there […]
about 1 month ago | 1 read
Fiorentina may meet its fans demands by putting a uomo di calcio in charge. Multiple outlets report that the club is in negotiations with Fabio Paratici to take the controls in Florence and pull the Viola out of their astonishing nosedive. With the January transfer window just a week and a half away, it’s imperative […]
about 1 month ago | 0 reads
Following Fiorentina’s 5th defeat in 6 outings, the fans have clearly had enough. The Curva Fiesole—currently in exile due to the permanently-delayed construction at the Stadio Artemio Franchi, which feels a bit too on the nose—released a statement on social media decrying the state of affairs and the club leadership that’s led there. Click the […]
about 1 month ago | 1 read
Pre-match Paolo Vanoli did some wacky stuff with his wingbacks, although he was constrained to make some rotation due to minute accumulation. Still Eddy Kouadio making his first senior start on the right with Christian Kouamé in his first Viola appearance in 364 days on the left was bold. The rest of the side was […]
about 1 month ago | 2 reads
Late news Lausanne boss Peter Ziegler trots out a slightly confusing lineup; my guess is that it’s a diamond midfield with Enzo Kana-Biyik at the top behind Theo Bair and Nathan Butler-Oyedeji, but it could wind up looking more like a 4-3-2-1 with Bair leading the line alone. Paolo Vanoli has gotten very weird. Starts […]
about 1 month ago | 1 read
To quote the Drive-by Truckers, the Viola have been falling for so long it’s like gravity is gone and they’re just floating. That won’t stop your favorite Fiorentina podcast idiots from getting on the mic and trying to figure out where it’s all gone wrong, other than everywhere. It’s just Hines and Tito this week […]
about 1 month ago | 5 reads
Fiorentina heads into the final match of the Conference League league phase (has to be a better way to phrase that) sitting in 11th with 9 points but could attain the coveted top 8 finish with a win, skipping a playoff round to advance directly to the knockout stage. Standing between the crumbling Tuscans and […]
about 1 month ago | 3 reads
I asked for people to give me some ideas for articles that weren’t just game coverage yesterday and the overwhelming tenor of responses has fallen into a bucket I’ve titled “fun/uplifting” and I’ll get to those stories. Promise. Really quick, though, I want to look at the historical precedents of teams that have opened the […]
about 1 month ago | 3 reads
Player grades David de Gea—4: His recent penchant for giving up his near post is concerning to say the least; if Gift Orban has figured out that weakness, you’d better believe everyone else has too. Made just 1 save and was particularly passive on crosses. Marin Pongračić—5.5: He wasn’t as bad as his colleagues but […]
about 1 month ago | 3 reads
Pre-match Neither Paolo did anything too crazy. Vanoli had injury doubts Nicolò Fagioli and Dodô from the word go, while Zanetti didn’t get Suat Serdar back from a knock and turned to Al-Musrati instead. The aesthetics were awful: Fiorentina came out wearing the new orange strip that looks like a goalkeeper kit, while Verona opted […]
about 1 month ago | 3 reads
Late news Paolo Vanoli starts injury concerns Nicolò Fagioli and Dodô but the big news is that Pietro Comuzzo seems to have leapfrogged Pablo Marí in the hierarchy. Paolo Zanetti picks Al-Musrati in midfield as club captain Suat Serdar hasn’t quite reached full fitness but otherwise trots out his expected XI. Despite the dire positions […]
about 1 month ago | 3 reads
Fresh off their first win since October, Fiorentina heads into a relegation 6-pointer with 19th-place Hellas Verona, which leapfrogged them after ambushing Atalanta last week for their first victory on the season. The Viola, of course, are still riding an ignominious 14-game winless streak in Serie A. This matchup, followed by games against Udinese and […]
about 1 month ago | 4 reads
Player grades David de Gea—6: Had very little to do in this one, making just 1 save (pretty routine) and not doing much sweeping up. Can’t fault him for conceding a screamer, even if it was from far away; the distance is mitigated by Viti blocking his line of sight. Mattia Viti—7: Very steady game […]
about 1 month ago | 3 reads
Pre-match Paolo Vanoli brought Pietro Comuzzo, Mattia Viti, Niccolò Fortini, Hans Nicolussi Caviglia, Cher Ndour, Amir Richardson, and Edin Džeko into the lineup. Dynamo Kyiv boss Igor Kostyuk’s big change was benching star rightback Oleksandr Karavaev in favor of Oleksandr Tymchyk. Only about 7000 fans were on hand for this one, too: the early slot […]
about 2 months ago | 3 reads
Late news Paolo Vanoli shuffles the deck yet again, giving Mattia Viti, Pietro Comuzzo, Cher Ndour, Hans Nicolussi Caviglia, Amir Richardson, and Edin Džeko a chance to impress. Spare a thought for Tommaso Martinelli, who remains glued to the bench despite the club’s assurances that he’d be the cup goalkeeper this season, but at least […]
about 2 months ago | 2 reads
By now, you’ve probably seen the reporting on Fiorentina’s pre-Dynamo Kyiv press conference. It was the same old song and dance from Paolo Vanoli. The mister ran through his usual set list: “We’re all aware of the situation,” “the result is what matters,” , “we have to show growth on the field,” “we have to […]
about 2 months ago | 3 reads
Just in case you thought that Fiorentina’s men’s team was the only bunch of blundering doofuses at the club, the brass reminded you that there’s incompetence spilling out of the team and into the surroundings now. Is this about the Stadio Artemio Franchi? Hahaha yeah of course it is. Do you know exactly what’s coming […]
about 2 months ago | 3 reads
I have terrible news, everyone. It’s Conference League time, so you have to watch Fiorentina twice this week. I apologize. Up this time is Dynamo Kyiv. This will be the 7th meeting between these two, with the good guys holding a W3 D3 record. Last time we saw them was the 2014-2015 Europa League quarterfinals, […]
about 2 months ago | 3 reads
Player grades David de Gea—4: Made 2 routine saves but let Cristian Volpato’s slightly deflected effort squirm under him and got hung up on a blocker for Tarik Muharemović‘s header. Could’ve maybe done a bit more on Ismaël Koné‘s goal as well but I won’t hold that against him. Disappointing performance but he’s allowed an […]
about 2 months ago | 3 reads