We Ain't Got No History
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Calum McFarlane set to stay at Chelsea and join Xabi Alonso’s staff — reports
Kinetic Foundation’s favorite son, Calum McFarlane has done a decent enough job as interim Chelsea head coach across his two stints this season, and for that he’s set to be rewarded with a spot on incoming manager Xabi Alonso’s staff next season, according to a report earlier this week from The Athletic. McFarlane, who’s only […]
McFarlane hails ‘real team performance’ as Chelsea push through fatigue in Spurs win
Interim head coach Calum McFarlane admitted that many players last night lacked the intensity and energy to compete for 90 minutes at the very end of a grueling two seasons of no-break football. It wasn’t for a lack of trying; we simply have little left in the tank at this point. So we had to […]
The Daily Hilario: Wednesday
Leaving Darkest timeline Wow
João Pedro named Chelsea Player of the Season for 2025-26
João Pedro was named Chelsea Player of the Season on Tuesday, collecting his award at last night’s game against Tottenham Hotspur, which he would otherwise unfortunately miss with an unspecified knock. The recognition came just hours after JP found out that he was surprisingly left off the Brazil squad for the World Cup. But other […]
Chelsea 2-1 Tottenham Hotspur, Premier League: Post-match reaction, ratings
Both teams had something to play for, but only Chelsea seemed to want to do something about it at first, with the visitors offering very little, outside of a few enterprising runs from Mathys Tel, who seemed to be under the impression that it was 30°C outside and really needed to tuck up one leg of […]
Chelsea vs. Tottenham Hotspur, Premier League: Lineups & Game Thread
It’s the final home game of the season, and it could be a juicy one: Spurs are here and fighting for their Premier League survival. They need a point to avoid relegation; we need a win to keep faint hopes alive of Champions League (or Europa League) football next season. It’s still Calum McFarlane in […]
Chelsea fans’ preferred lineup against Spurs: Let’s try it without Levi Colwill
Levi Colwill has made a tangible difference in our defending his return from ACL surgery, but he’s only been back for a three games, so asking him to start two games in four days is surely far too much at this stage. So we’re likely to rotate at the back tonight against Spurs, with the […]
The Daily Hilario: Tuesday
Deal Deal x2 Hmm
Chelsea vs. Tottenham Hotspur, Premier League: Preview, team news, how to watch
Chelsea take to the pitch at Stamford Bridge one last time this season — a season that’s been nothing short of a disappointing failure even if by some miracle we end up with Champions League football still. Here’s that most unlikely, but mathematically still possible scenario: And that’s how tenth-place Chelsea could yet finish sixth, […]
João Pedro snubbed by Brazil, Andrey Santos left off World Cup squad, too
Only three players have scored more goals in the Premier League than João Pedro this season, and that list gets cut down to just one if we only look at non-penalty goals. That one player is Erling Haaland. After that, it’s JP and Antoine Semenyo with 15 each, followed closely by Igor Thiago at 14. […]
How should Chelsea line up to keep Spurs in relegation danger?
Chelsea’s last home game of the season is tomorrow night, and it’s a fairly significant one, even if there isn’t much riding on it in terms of our own ambitions. While there is still an outside chance that we finish in the Europa League positions, or perhaps the UEFA Conference League position, neither one of […]
The Daily Hilario: Netflix and Vardy Party
Watched a couple documentaries that came out recently on Netflix this weekend, including the one about the French team at the 2010 World Cup and the one about Jamie Vardy. Both quite good; the latter excellent, even. I vaguely remember the 2010 scandal for the French, who ended up going briefly on strike at the […]
Chelsea 0-1 Manchester City, Player Ratings: Preventing 99-in-100 goals
1. LEVI COLWILL (7.4) Colwill has been back for just three games, and he’s finished on the player ratings podium in all three: second, third, and now first. Our Man of the Match in the FA Cup final, as Chelsea kept Manchester City at bay … except for a goal that interim head coach Calum […]
Xabi Alonso wants to ‘sign and create mentality monsters’ at Chelsea — report
The phrase is usually credited to former Liverpool boss Jürgen Klopp, who described his charges as “[FUNNING] mentality monsters” after their famous comeback against Barcelona in the 2019 Champions League semifinals. Chelsea FC Women manager Emma Hayes would use it famously a couple years later as well, after a similar comeback at the same stage […]
Official: Chelsea appoint Xabi Alonso as new manager
Chelsea have found our new head coach and have swiftly moved through the process of hiring him, getting everything done and dusted even before the official end of the 2025-26 season. Granted, our season effectively ended with Saturday’s FA Cup final defeat, consigning us (most probably) to no European football next season, but we’ve followed […]
The Daily Hilario: Sunday
Nice Cheat code Back
McFarlane laments the small margins in FA Cup final defeat against Manchester City
Ultimately, you win nothing for close. Almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades, as the old saying goes. Seven finals at Wembley since 2018. Seven defeats. All by either one goal, or penalties. Some thanks to refereeing decisions. Some thanks to luck. Some thanks to goalkeeper shenanigans. Some thanks to a “1-in-100 goal” from […]
Xabi Alonso agrees to join Chelsea as new head coach — reports
Xabi Alonso has agreed to become the new head coach at Chelsea Football Club on a four-year contract, according to an exclusive from The Athletic’s David Ornstein, and in the minutes since echoed by many other reports as well. Chelsea were said to be hoping to move quickly to secure Alonso’s signing after the FA […]
Chelsea 0-1 Manchester City, FA Cup Final: Post-match reaction, ratings
Well…almost. We were not good in the first half, but City really weren’t all that great either. We were better in the second half, but still not quite good enough … or lucky enough with the penalty shout(s) — especially the Jorrel Hato one. Semenyo’s finish was godly. So it goes. Our best chance was […]
Chelsea FCW 1-0 Manchester United WFC, Women’s Super League: Post-match reaction
For a team so used to excellence, a season where Chelsea Women finish third in the Women’s Super League and lift only the Women’s League Cup feels underwhelming. The signs of fracture were already showing up in a still incredible (domestic) unbeaten season, where we won everything we could in England in manager Sonia Bompastor’s […]
Chelsea vs. Manchester City, FA Cup Final: Confirmed lineups; how to watch
Welcome to the 2025-26 FA Cup final! Chelsea are the clear underdogs, with City favored to win yet another game against the Blues. They have not lost to us since the 2021 Champions Leauge final: 13 matches and counting. Calum McFarlane may have a tactical surprise in mind, like three at the back? We’ll see […]
Chelsea FCW vs. Manchester United WFC, Women’s Super League: Confirmed lineups; how to watch
It is Chelsea Women’s last game of a season where our extremely high standards were not met. We do end the term with a Women’s League Cup trophy to claim but we let everything else slip from our hands thanks to our own misgivings. Still, let’s end this on a high note. The Blues might […]
The Daily Hilario: Saturday
Contract Hmm Free
Chelsea fans’ preferred lineup against Manchester City: Who wants to win the Cup?
Rumors abound that Chelsea will line up in a back-three today in the FA Cup Final against Manchester City, and there’s certainly an argument to be made that a tactical surprise could be just the thing to pull off the upset. Or it could be just the thing to make us look even more discombobulated […]
Chelsea ‘will not entertain any enquiries’ for João Pedro — reports
Catalan media have made quite a bit of noise over João Pedro in the last couple days, claiming that our main man is not only well admired in Barcelona, but that he’s on their very short shortlist for potential reinforcements at striker this summer. Robert Lewandowski looks set to leave after four years for one […]